im sad...this feeling is foreign...i hate it

i hopelessly, helplessly wonder why? everything has changed, around me...this damn train song is stuck in my head and it makes me sadder and sadder and sadder every time i hear this line. haley michelle came over yesterday, i love her. we watched clay tapes, that obsessive whore, and she made me watch ed for the 5 seconds it was on, but it was okay. then we watched spongebob and more weird american idol stuff. shes so obsessive about ai it makes me laugh, and thats why we are haleys. yea...that was random shit. made cows today, i think this is the coolest thing ever. and this is why haley is awesome x 10. dude, i know of like no one who would honestly spend hours painting a cow for one joke, for one day, and be so obsessive about it. and this justifies why haley michelle harrison is rad like the tuscan sun. mmk then, PRETTY PATTIES RULE!!anyway...well now that the happy shit is over...back to the sad train song again as i sit here and wish chereen was online again so i could talk to her some more...im not using names...because it wasnt anyones fault but mine...i was a girl version of a "wingman" tonight...took one for the team so "girl" could go to the movies with "boy." well...of course i was going to go...she would be scared shitless if it was just him and her, thats what girls do. but i must wonder, would she put herself through that same hell for me. if i ever needed her to come with me and some guy i liked, would she return the favor? it was miserable, sitting there while they were flirting the whole movie, and then after. i mean i love her, and i love "boy" but it was really hard to be forgotton about like that when i was doing her a favor. i felt really stupid for going, i wish i wouldnt have. like, its not her fault, but i made the wrong choice and im mad at myself for putting myself in that situation. i need to stop caring so much, thats why i get stepped on ALL THE FRICKIN TIME!!!!! im there to help everyone, and do everything for everyone else like some frickin mom or grandma, and then i feel bad when i ask for help from someone else. i need to go driving, and blast my music. just drive and drive and drive until i dont know where i am anymore and then park my car and sit there for a while in my good new car smelling car for a while and just be where ever i am. that made better sense in my head. i have had a sucky weak since tuesday. i dont know...i had the best day monday, and it just fell apart after that. i feel like the stupidest person alive. i have so many ppl that are having issues and have come to me so i have their problems and now i have my own little sad wave, so its like a double thing here. im usually not sad, or depressed. i just dont do that, i dont let things get to me and i am happy and stuff...and now im dealing with everyone elses issues, and mine. its too much for me. i hate that feeling where you feel like your choking from trying not to cry...i need to watch spongebob...or i dont know, lion king would be good. nemo would be good. anything would be better than this...i want to go to davis so bad...i wanna visit marc and talk to him. everyday he put a smile on my face with his reading rainbow nonsense and extreme dance moves and rapping. even on the worst days of my life this summer, i left the pool with a smile because of him. oh damn, now im more depressed because i miss the pool so much, and summer. stingrays was the best thing that ever happened to me last year...i had marci, marc, all the kids, friends and the guards. they were all there and were all happy all the time. they didnt have shit like this, and werent depressed ever. they just dont give a shit bout nothing. I HATE SOPHOMORE YEAR. i hate it, well right now anyway. it has not proved to be any better except for i get to go off campus and watch american idol. but i dont kno...i hate like 1/2 of my teachers. the only one thats great has a tree up his ass at the m0ment because G goes through that every like 2 months and decides to be a strict teacher. and i love barde, but i hate barde at the same time. same with elkin. and the rest could go die for all i care. well, this is pleasant. god, im never like this. i hate it so muchokay im going...